Saturday, June 16, 2007


Fortunately, he'll be coaching the other team.
Yes, the former airhead-apparent to Lou Holtz is bring the East Carolina University Pirates to South Carolina in 2012 and 2016. Other games include a pair of matchups in Charlotte in 2011 and 2014 and a meeting at ECU in 2015.
This is presuming, of course, that Lou doesn't come out of retirement again and try to get his son a cushy set-up at another big-time program. (Maybe if Houston decides he no longer likes the scenery in Arkansas...?)
We're sure that this red dwarf of a coaching talent will do a fine job of (cough cough) matching up with the supernova that is Steve Spurrier.
Just don't let him in your office, Steve.
The Gamecocks also announced games against titanic powers UAB and Troy. Hey, at least they're not Louisiana-Laughayette.

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There are several tidbits floating around the CFB ether than cannot easily make a stand-alone post but should not be ignored.

It's time for Linkeration.

--First up, Deep South Sports digs up a little-known provision of Nick Saban's contract requiring a hefty supply of virgins for his pleasure. Apparently, those are hard to find at Bama.

--Meanwhile, XM continues to suck up all known CFB programming, at least until the SEC and/or the Big Ten decide to start up their own satellite radio system. Watch out if you get the Big Ten units, though; the first two or three channels come in crystal clear, but the rest are crappy.

Sees nothing wrong with one company controlling CFB satellite radio.

--Yeah, unless you've been under a rock for a couple of days, you've already heard this. But the other shoe has dropped at Indiana, where Terry Hoeppner has stepped aside for the 2007 season. Hopes are, he can get back in 2008. And the coaches and players are presumably hoping to get some extra fire out of fighting for their sidelined leader. It could, though, also be an enormous distraction.

--Florida's backup QB is injured, though the official line is that he'll be fine by the time the season begins. This is more of a concern, of course, at a school where your starting QB runs into brick walls for fun.

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Thursday, June 14, 2007


Well, Nick Saban has finally signed his deal to not be the next Alabama coach. However, anyone questioning the perpetually low education rankings of C&F's birth state need only read some of the fine print:

University of Alabama trustees approved the eight-year, $32 million contract for football coach Nick Saban on Thursday.
The deal doesn't include a buyout clause if he wants to leave early and puts a cap on the number of public appearances Saban must make every year. [Emphasis, of course, is C&F's]

Now, C&F is the first one to say that buyouts, unless they are completely unreasonable, are meaningless. If you're going to pay a guy (and let's pull a number out of midair here), say, $4 million a year, a $1 million a year buyout probably isn't going to discourage you too much.

However, when you have a guy who changes jobs as often as Michael Vick changes dogs, you should at least have a buyout in there as a statement of principle. Get something out of it when the guy inevitably leaves. Give someone at least a few hundred thou to think about.

In any case, Saban won't be leaving any sooner than backup QB Jimmy Barnes, who says Saban treats people with a lack of respect. A stunning accusation, one that led to an equally surprising allegation from

His honor is besmirched!

According to Barnes' father -- because NCAA regulations only allow players' fathers to say controversial things about the programs they just left:

Tuscaloosa, Ala. — Alabama quarterback Jimmy Barnes quit the team because he was unhappy with coach Nick Saban's treatment, not over lack of playing time, his father said.
"To be honest with you, it's the way (Saban) is treating kids," John Barnes told The Birmingham News in a story Thursday. "What Jim told Saban was he was not going to give up his dignity and be treated like that." ...
"First of all, Jimmy didn't say that to me," [Saban] said. "I don't know of any circumstance that I treated any kid here — or anybody in our program — in a way that would affect their dignity." ...
Two of Barnes' former teammates disputed the characterization of Saban's treatment of the team.
"One thing he is really big about is treating people with respect," defensive end Wallace Gilberry said.
Wilson added that "respect is a big issue around here."

"Now, can somebody please take the cement shoes off my grandma?" Wilson asked.

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Wednesday, June 13, 2007


Beloved Citizens of the Most Righteous Nuttistan,

We now face a new threat from the vile perpetrators of evil and blasphemy, one that will no doubt be followed back to that most vicious snake, the Witch Mustain.

This new challenge comes from those wishing to ask questions of the most glorious people of Nuttistan and what they believe of me, the Glorious Leader and Accomplished Father of Our Nation, the Ayatollah Housteihni. (The hat tip most assuredly belongs to the Deep South Sports.)

Only heathens question the position of the GLAFON.

These infidels surely misunderstand our wondrous nation. They want to foist their hedonist ideas of "democracy" upon our great land, which has enjoyed peace and prosperity because of the steady and unassailable wisdom of the Glorious Leader.

How do these most egregious sinners justify their actions?

"We have contracted with an established, respected professional polling firm in Arkansas, to take an opinion poll of Razorback fans. Primarily about the state of the football program, plus a couple other topics. There are 2 topics that we primarily would like to see researched: (1) The assertion that only a small portion of fans, such as 5%, are dissatisfied with Coach Nutt. (2) The assertion that a 'small, vocal, organized minority' is behind all the discontent; and that this minority is concentrated in NWA. ... We will poll about 600 fans, yielding a margin of error of about +/- 5%. That is a typical sampling size for this type poll, and the margin of error is close enough for our purposes.We are shooting for 150 fans in each of the 4 Congressional districts. This will avoid skewing the data by a heavy concentration of responses from places like Little Rock or Springdale."

This is nothing short of a wormlike crime against humanity.

However, people of Nuttistan, do not fear. The Glorious Leader has most wisely arranged for the services of a master of the numbers in these "polls."

The newest servant to our Glorious Leader.

This man, the Karl Rove, will save us all with his most incredible plans. And the sunny paradise of Nuttisan will continue under the greatness of

Your Glorious Leader,

Ayatollah Housteihni

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Tuesday, June 12, 2007


Jasper Brinkley, senior linebacker at USC, has been placed on the 2007 Nagurski Award Preseason Watch List. The Nagurski is given to the best defensive player in CFB, as determined by the Football Writers Association of America.

But before you get too excited, keep in mind that J-Brinkley is one of just 49 players on the list.

That includes current Nagurski holder James Laurinaitis (Jr. LB, Ohio State), he of the wrestling father, 115 tackles, 8.5 TFL, 4 sacks, 5 INTs and 3 forced fumbles in 2006.

Beat James and you have to deal with me.

Also on the list are Quentin Groves (Sr. DE, Auburn), with 35 tackles, 11 TFL, 9.5 sacks and 3 forced fumbles last season; Xavier Adibi (Sr. LB, Virginia Tech), who had 82 tackles, 6.5 TFL, 3 sacks, 3 INTs and 3 forced fumbles; and boxer Tom Zbikowski (Sr. S, Notre Dame), with 79 tackles and, we're told, potential. (Which sounds a lot like Brady "Heisman" Quinn, but anyway...)

The Charlotte Touchdown Club will announce the winner at its banquet Dec. 3.

J-Brinkley's numbers in 2006: 107 tackles, 14.5 TFL and 5 sacks. Nothing in the turnover department.

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Sunday, June 10, 2007


It was bound to happen. Not to be outdone by the Big Ten and the Mountain West Conference(?), the SEC is now considering creating its own television network.

"No question, there would be football and basketball on it," SEC commissioner Mike Slive said recently at the SEC spring meetings. "I think there's something like 8,720 hours of programming available. Obviously, part of that would have to be significant football and basketball. The other piece that our presidents and chancellors are very interested in is it would create an outlet for non-athletic content from our universities, which have good communication schools."

Yes, non-athletic. You can just see "Bowties with Andrew Sorensen" being a smash success.

Because he's that telegenic.

In the meantime, C&F has obtained an exclusive draft of the primetime line-up for the new channel. Along with handwritten notes on the copy seen by C&F, it is reprinted below.

8 p.m.: Phil Fulmer's Cooking with Lard
8:30 p.m.: Stickin', hosted by Nick Saban
9 p.m.: Dealing with Adversity, hosted by Bobby Johnson
9:30 p.m.: Living with Alzheimers, with Rich Brooks (Note: We can change the time on this if Rich forgets)
10 p.m.: Spirituality and Distilled Spirits, with Mark Richt
10:30 p.m.: Technology Tonight (including text-in segment), with Houston Nutt
11 p.m.: Late Nights with Stephen Garcia

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Ah, the SEC East has decided not just to treat us to an interesting autumn in 2007; the teams have generously offered to treat us to a fascinating show in the offseason.

For starters, the spelling-challenged Dawgs of Georgia continue their civil disobedience against underage drinking laws, with a backup quarterback and what might be the team's only healthy tight end bravely volunteering for the lastest trip to the hoosegow.

Reserve Georgia quarterback Blake Barnes and tight end James Henry "Tripp" Chandler were arrested early Sunday morning, the former for open container and furnishing alcohol to a minor, the latter for open container and underage possession.

Doesn't take a rocket scientist to connect the dots here.

We must peacefully battle the oppressive open container laws.

Meanwhile, Tennessee might have a problem more closely tied to football. The Wizard raises some questions about whether Vols QB Jonathan Crompton has run afoul of eligibility rules with his endorsement of ... a surgeon. The sophomore, a backup for Erik Ainge, completed 47 percent of his passes with 4 TDs and 2 INTs in 2006.

Of course, if good Erik shows up next season, this won't be a big loss for the Vols. But if evil Erik comes back, there could be trouble. Especially since, last time we checked, Rick Clausen was definitely out of eligibility.

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