Saturday, February 17, 2007

ENGAGE YOUR BRAIN

C&F imagines that it will take THE SAVIOR OF THE PROGRAM Stephen Garcia a while to get used to being a South Carolina QB. At least as far as learning the system, adjusting to the SEC and getting in sync with the other players on offense.

As for the off-field side of things, though -- well, Garcia's got that part down pat:

Newly recruited USC back-up quarterback Stephen Garcia was arrested at 12:40 a.m. this morning in Five Points on charges of failure to stop on police command and drunkeness, according to a Columbia Police Department incident report. ...
A "concerned citizen" alerted an officer that Garcia was involved in an altercation behind the Knock Knock Club on Harden Street, where he had been attending a private party, the report said. ...
The officer approached Garcia but the 19-year-old Florida native quickly walked away. The officer asked him to stop, but Garcia ran and tried to hide in the alley.
When the officer caught up to him, Garcia turned toward the officer "in a threatening manner," and the officer immediately "engaged his baton." The officer did not need to use his baton to complete the arrest.

Sorry to interrupt, but C&F loves how the officer "engaged his baton." He imagines it is akin to the United State "engaging its military in Iraq," or Bobby Knight "engaging his hand."


Brutality? Nonsense. We're engaging our batons.

Garcia tried to zip up his pants and fix his belt, and he smelled of alcohol.

Ah, the telling detail. "Tried to zip up his pants." Can't wait to hear that one explained. Or see Spurrier's reaction.

Labels: , , , , , ,

Friday, February 16, 2007

FAREWELL TO A WISEST ELDER

To the Citizens of Nuttistan:

Every once in a while, it is necessary for a Great Patriot to sacrifice himself for the Common Good of our Magnificent Country.

And so it is with a heavy heart that we, the Nation of Nuttisan, must bid farewell to the Wise Elder Frank Broyles.


A grand sacrifice to save our Nation.

It is hoped that this most noble sacrifice will save our Wonderful Land from further suffering.

We pay our respects to Wisest Elder Broyles.

Ayatollah Housteihni

Labels: , , , , , ,

BURY MY HEART AT CHAMPAIGN

Chief Illiniwek goes the way most other Native Americans went when they clashed with well-heeled white men:

CHAMPAIGN, Ill. (AP) -- The University of Illinois will drop its 81-year-old American Indian mascot, Chief Illiniwek, following the last men's basketball home game of the season on Wednesday, officials said.
The move makes the school eligible to host postseason NCAA championship events, but it angered many Illini fans who say the chief honors American Indians.
The NCAA in 2005 deemed Illiniwek -- portrayed by buckskin-clad students who dance at home football and basketball games and other athletic events -- an offensive use of American Indian imagery and barred the university from hosting postseason events.
American Indian groups and others have complained for years that the mascot, used since 1926, is demeaning.
Illinois still will be able to use the name Illini because it's short for Illinois and the school can use the term Fighting Illini, because it's considered a reference to the team's competitive spirit, school officials said. It is unclear if the school will get a new mascot.

Ooh, ooh. I have a suggestion:


More in keeping with recent history.

Meanwhile, C&F has found out that the NCAA wasn't the only one helping the Native American advocates in their push to eliminate Illiniwek. They were also helped by supperlobbyist Jack Abramoff.


In fairness, C&F would also rather be associated with him than with Illinois football.

Labels: , , , ,

Thursday, February 15, 2007

CIVIL WAR IN NUTTISTAN CONTINUES

To the Citizens of Nuttistan:

It is I, your Great Leader and Accomplished Father of Our Nation, the Royal and Elegant Houston Nutt.

Recently, it has come to my attention that some our most respected members have been critical of our Great Nation and the would-be leader of its Young Soldiers' Brigade. This, clearly, is unacceptable.


GLAFON will brook no criticism from even our most prominent citizens.

This may be a good time to remind our Good Citizens of the Laws Concering Affairs of State in Nuttisan:

(1) There shall be no questioning or attacking GLAFON, also known as Ayatollah Houstehni.
(2) All decisions of Ayatollah Houstehni are final.
(3) In Affairs of State, the Run shall always be favored over all other forms of warfare.
(4) There is a new and dangerous Ideology known as the Forward Pass. This is forbidden and one of the Unmentionables.
(5) There shall be no talk of the newest manner of Sedition, called the Spread Option. This, also, is forbidden and one of the Unmentionables.
(6) There shall be no Peter Pan Peanut Butter eaten in Nuttistan, as his latest sandwich gave Ayatollah Houstehni a most unappreciated stomach pain.

Let it be known that the Citizens of Nuttistan will triumph over the Evildoers.

Your most humble GLAFON and Ayatollah,

Houston Nutt

Labels: , , , , ,

BRAND'S LAST STAND?

Let the battle begin, with Chief Illiniwek -- or two Chief Illiniweks, actually -- taking on the NCAA in court.

And, ah, the irony of their lawsuit against the organization that likes to tout its "student athletes"?

"According to today's lawsuit, getting rid of the chief would harm those who portray him because it would damage their reputations, and would jeopardize their ability to receive academic credit, monetary scholarships and future earnings."

In this corner, at 5'8", 170 lbs. and a stereotype rating of 9.5, Chief Illiniwek:


We beat pale face and his forked tongue. And his absurd clock rules.

And in this corner, at a scholarly height and weight, Myles Brand:


My professor friends and I are horrified by the redma...I mean, Native American stereotyping.

So now it's official. The NCAA will be spending time on uncovering whether students are being paid to play football ... and defending its stance barring someone from dancing around in a feathered headress before a football game.

***Note: I am 1/16 Native American and proud of that heritage. However, I think the fight against these mascots is political correctness run amok. Kind of like Australians getting upset about the accents in The Rescuers Down Under. That said, if I have offended anyone with Native American heritage, I apologize.***

Labels: , , , , , ,

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

JUSTICE PREVAILS IN NCAA RULES COMMITTEE

After a few days of sabattical, C&F returns.

And what does he find but victory!

The hideous, unfair, horrible rules that the NCAA rules committee passed last year -- you know, those clock rules that resulted in less football during football games -- are gone.


The enemy has been defeated.

The most unpopular new rule last season called for the game clock to start as soon as the ball was marked ready for play after a change of possession. That rule was eliminated; the clock now won't start until after the first snap of a possession.
"What we lost was the playing opportunities for our athletes," said committee chairman Mike Clark, head coach at Virginia's Bridgewater College.

Not that anbody foresaw problems or anything. Well, the whole blogosphere -- but we don't really count.


Needs new pre-halftime strategy.

Buuuuut ... not content to have games go "too long," and not willing to consider (Lord forbid!) fewer commercials, the committee still tweaked a few rules:

Kickoffs will be from the 30-yard line instead of the 35. The clock won't start until the receiver touches the ball; last season it started as soon as the ball was kicked. Tuberville estimates 90 percent of kickoffs will now be returned.

Um, okay. This might make for more long returns or returns for TDs, but it doesn't give me too much heartburn.

Coming out of a television timeout, the play clock for the first play of a possession will be 15 seconds instead of the normal 25.

Kind of makes sense, actually.

Charged team timeouts — not TV timeouts — will be cut by 30 seconds. This will be football's version of basketball's 30-second timeout. It will allow a coach to stop the clock but without a long delay. The timeout will last 30 seconds plus the 25 seconds on the play clock.

Because, Lord knows, we can't shorten TV timeouts. That would mean, like, fewer commercials.

On kickoffs, the play clock will start once the kicker is handed the ball by the official. In the past, the kicker could take as much time as he wanted before kicking the ball. Now, he is on the clock and a violation will result in a 5-yard penalty.

Let's see how many 5-yard penalties this results in over the first month of the new season. My educated guess is, "a lot."

The time allowed for instant replay reviews will be capped at two minutes. This will save some time but not a lot. The average replay review last season was 1:49, according to the NCAA.

This really should have been done to begin with. It can't possibly take four minutes to decide whether there's "indisputable video evidence" of anything. If you can't overturn the call after two minutes of looking at it, the evidence ain't indisputable.

The rules committee also announced that starting in 2008, college football will go to a 40-second play clock like that now used in the NFL. The 40-second clock will start at the end of every play. College football currently uses a 25-second clock that doesn't start until the ball is put in position and declared ready for play.

I'm honestly not convinced that this will help that much, but we'll see. The biggest difference between college and the NFL -- that the game clock continues to run after first downs -- will hopefully not make the jump from the pros to college. But Rule 3-2-5-e got passed, so who knows?

Labels: , , , , , , ,

Sunday, February 11, 2007

RUMPH WON'T LEAVE CLEMSON FOR JOB HE WAS NEVER OFFERED

Anyone opening The State on Sunday would have been interested, maybe even surprised, to see this little item in the sports section:

CLEMSON — Defensive line coach Chris Rumph has turned down an overture to work for USC.
Through a school spokesman, Clemson coach Tommy Bowden said Rumph had been called by a USC assistant to gauge his interest in serving as the Gamecocks' outside linebackers coach. Rumph declined to pursue the job.
Neither Rumph, Bowden nor USC coach Steve Spurrier could be reached for further comment.
According to sources close to the USC program, Spurrier has been interested in filling the vacant position with a former Gamecocks player. Rumph played for USC from 1991-94.

No one, apparently, was more surprised to see the item than Steve Spurrier.

South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier on Sunday vehemently denied reports that he or anyone on his staff contacted Clemson defensive line coach Chris Rumph about a position with the Gamecocks.
"Someone in the Upstate is lying," Spurrier said Sunday.
USC defensive coordinator Tyrone Nix said Rumph called him Tuesday to see if the Gamecocks would be interested in a Tigers' commitment who was denied admission to Clemson, presumably tailback Jo Jo Cox.
Later in the conversation, Nix said Rumph inquired about USC’s outside linebackers position, vacant since January when Spurrier chose not to renew Dave Wommack’s contract. Nix said he told Rumph, a former Gamecocks’ linebacker, to contact Spurrier if he was interested in the job.
"Somebody up there has got their facts all wrong, or purposefully trying to make it look like some Clemson coach is actually trying to stay there instead of getting out," Spurrier said, an apparent reference to the Tigers' assistants who have interviewed for other positions this winter.
"I didn't talk to Rumph. I didn't tell anybody to talk to Rumph."

This baffles me in a few ways.

First of all, how desperate do you have to be to find good things to say about your program to announce through a school spokesman that your defensive line coach has turned down what was at best a lateral move to an in-state rival?


Did I tell you USC tried to hire these guys for the grounds crew? Turned 'em down cold.

But mostly, I don't understand why Bowden keeps giving Spurrier fodder for preseason booster speeches. His father's been through this, and I honestly didn't think Dear Leader was an idiot. I didn't think he was a Rhodes Scholar, but stupid also wasn't the word that came to mind.

Personally, I love seeing stuff like this. I think, with Spurrier in Columbia, it will add more fuel to the rivalry (as long as Dear Leader survives). Not that a rivalry that once almost literally featured gun fire needs any extra fuel, but it can't hurt.

Labels: , , , , , , , , , ,