THE EVIL ONES CONTINUE TO MEET THEIR DOOM
Citizens of the Most Sacred Nation of Nuttistan,
Monday has produced magnificent news for our land and the Great Leader and Accomplished Father of Our Nation, myself, the Ayatollah Housteihni.
An infidel-support attempt to overthrow our leadership has been crushed in the most glorious of ways by Mark Lindsay, a most patriotic and wise judge from the circuit of Washington County. And perhaps soon to be high-ranking member of the faithful and grand government of this most beautiful country.
Victory is a most glorious experience.
Now, there will be those evil ones who will say some such slanderous things as this judge was persuaded by all the members of his immediate family having cement placed on their feet and being dangled over the Lake Ouachita. Nothing could be further from the truth.
I, the GLAFON, would have nothing to do with these kinds of things. That would be beyond what would be moral and right.
Besides, what good would it do our fair land to examine such claims even if such a thing were to happen? Or even be possible. Which it is most assuredly not.
We can now continue with our plans to bring light to those who believe in such vile things as open records and having children with those not related to you.
Your most devoted and Glorious Leader,