Sunday, December 03, 2006


8:28 p.m. -- BA: Top 7 should be automatic. Arbitrary. Not because Wisconsin is No. 7 or anything.

8:27 p.m. -- Mike Slive: "We will continue to talk about the format." As long as the discussion doesn't include a playoff.

8:26 p.m. -- Kirk Herbstreit: The Gary Danielson of the Big Ten.

8:25 p.m. -- KH: Remove the numbers. Because numbers don't tell you anything about football games.

8:24 p.m. -- Back over to ESPN, where Lou Holtz is griping. My screen is now splattered with spit.

8:23 p.m. -- Is it just me, or does Charles Davis sound like his voice is changing.

8:22 p.m. -- The Rose Bowl, sponsored by Prozac. Because everybody really is out to get you.

8:21 p.m. -- The Rose Bowl. It goes last because it's on ABC. And both sides are disappointed. It's a bad game. Don't watch it. Because it's a bad game. Nothing to do with it being on the other network or anything.

8:19 p.m. -- So LSU plays Notre Dame. Who apparently will be coached by a rejuvenated Knute Rockne.

8:17 p.m. -- Let the grousing begin. Alvarez: "Obviously, the pollsters didn't want to see a rematch."

8:16 p.m. -- The layover's not a disadvantage. We have the kids in a hyperbarric chamber.

8:15 p.m. -- Thom Brenneman? He was calling Cubs games not too long ago. Which means he's now closer to a national championship than he ever was there.

8:13 p.m. -- "A bunch of guys went through a lot of stuff over the last four or five years." Like Ron Zook.

8:12 p.m. -- Florida cheers: Yeah, coach! Way to lobby!

8:11 p.m. -- It's Ohio State against Florida for the national championship. Urban Meyer is happy. Lloyd Carr is talking about Meyer's comments against Michigan. And those would be...

8:10 p.m. -- Over to ESPN. Kirk Herbstreit on Wake Forest: "How is this team winning games?" Answer: They're in the ACC.

8:08 p.m. -- Was Barry Alvarez up all night last night? He looks half-dead.

8:06 p.m. -- Man, Boise State is really glad to be there. Like, scarily glad. Oh, a nominee: Wake Forest against Louisville in the Orange Bowl. A pass offense versus the quintuple option.

8:05 p.m. -- Fifteen minutes in, and we've heard one bowl game matchup. Keeping milking it like this, and the cow is going to kick you in the head.

8:02 p.m. -- Second ratings stunt: Showing the nominees for the Pontiac game-changing performance of the year. Because, unlike the NC game, that will be remembered for a decade.

7:59 p.m. -- "That's why the BCS added a fifth game." No, they added a fifth game to avoid Congressional oversight.

7:57 p.m. -- "The biggest sports day in the history of the state of Idaho"? Like there's really any competition? And how sad is your life if you have time to gather in a football stadium to celebrate getting to the BCS. Hooray! We've been legitamized by a broken system based on 50-year-old journalists, 60-year-old football has-beens, and computer geeks who know nothing about football! But, really, what else is there to do in Boise?

7:56 p.m. -- Hope the guy in the middle, whose name I don't know, gets the laryngitis cleared up before he calls the game. Actually, who are any of these guys, except Barry Alvarez?

7:54 p.m. -- First ratings stunt: go backwards. Starting with the Fiesta Bowl matchup between Boise State and Oklahoma. Tip for Boise State: Practice the on-sides kick.

7:53 p.m. -- Alvarez is calling the game? That should be thrilling to the point of narcolepsy. And we'll get to hear all day how Michigan got screwed if Florida is in, or how it was the right decision if Michigan is in.

7:51 p.m. -- The selections are apparently in a supersecret suitcase being delivered by courier. And the intro shows us that ESPN isn't the only one specializing in sportstainment.


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