BOWL PREVIEW: Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl
NOTE: This is the first post on the "new" Blogger, so if I suddenly start spouting incoherent sentences such as "Ijeakjfzxkcfasf afjadsn,ds cs Rosebud!" it's probably got something to do with that.
Because there's no better way to force yourself onto television nowadays than to wrap yourself in the flag, this weekend brings us the Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl.
Crowd control at the Armed Forces Bowl.
In fact, the best thing college football fans can hope for is for an actual battle to break out, featuring tanks, rocket attacks and, in the middle of it all, Saddam Hussein yelling, "I am still the president of Iraq!"
I demand justice for the option!
Bowl: Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl
Location: A secure and undisclosed location. Oh, sorry, that's the Crisco Vice President Bowl. This one's in Ft. Worth, Texas.
When: Dec. 23, 8 p.m. ET, ESPN
Purported reason for existence: To pair a team from Conference USA with a team from the Mountain West. Or, in 2007 and 2009, the Pac-10. When you're the Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl, you take what you can get.
Real reason for existence: To ingratiate Bell Helicopter to the Armed Forces in the hopes of winning no-bid contracts.
Teams: Tulsa v. Utah
Interest level: C-SPAN. If it's interesting, it's entirely by accident.
Occasionally stumbling into entertainment. Sorry about that.
Key player for Tulsa: RB Courtney Tennial, who has rushed for 14 TDs and added two more receiving scores.
Key player for Utah: QB Brett Ratliff, who has accounted for almost 3,000 yards of offense between his 2,556 yards passing and more than 400 yards rushing. Ratliff has tossed 22 TDs and rushed for another.
Winner: Utah. In bowl games, you gotta love the gimmick offenses. Plus, ESPN's computer simulations favor Tulsa. And if you've watched the BCS for long enough, you're sure of one thing -- computers know nothing about football.