Monday, November 20, 2006

THE RANKS: The Alfonso Soriano version

This week's "ballot" was put together like Alfonso Soriano's contract: With numbers flying around and in a hurry. But I think it's pretty solid.

To the ranks...

1 (Last week: 1) Ohio State: def. Michigan, 42-39. Give Troy Smith the Heisman. I'd say name the dang thing after him, but it's already named after someone. Cool and collected. Hitting receivers in stride when possible, somewhere else when necessary. Sliced and diced the Michigan secondary. I was skeptical, but I'm not anymore. The Heisman winner should have some oomph. Troy Smith has it.

This is what Lloyd Carr sees in nightmares.

2 (2) Michigan: lost to Ohio State, 42-39. I don't want a rematch, but tell me who has done better so far. I believe that Arkansas, Florida or USC-West will move ahead of them eventually. But not yet. Let's so those three play out the string before casting a verdict.
3-T (3) Arkansas: def. Mississippi State, 28-14. Are they the best one-loss team? A lot of people wouldn't put them ahead of USC-West, and now I'm torn. But they could lose to Florida (or even LSU), which would make all of this null and void.
3-T (4) Florida: def. West Carolina, 62-0. What, really does this tell us? That Meyer's Florida can blow out inferior teams like Spurrier's did. But not much else.
3-T (5) Southern California: def. Cal, 23-9. Yeah, they're a really good team. Maybe a great one. Excuse me while I gag.
6 (7) Notre Dame: def. Army, 41-9. The Irish continue their terrorist operations against our military.
7 (9) Wisconsin: def. Buffalo, 35-3. Should anybody still be playing Buffalo at this point?
8 (8) Texas: IDLE. Which just means they avoid embarassing themselves.
9 (10) West Virginia: def. Pittsburgh, 45-27. I am Pat White, hear me roar. Or meow. Or whatever he was doing on the sideline. But it works.
10 (11) LSU: def. Mississippi, 23-20 (OT). The Atlanta Falcons of college football. They make no sense. So where do you put them?
11 (12) Tennessee: def. Vanderbilt, 39-10. Revenge is a dish best served cold. And with bowl seedings in play.
12 (16) Georgia Tech: def. Duke, 49-21. Chan Gailey finally proves he can win big as a big favorite. Now, he has to try to beat the Dawgs and find out who he's playing in Jacksonville.
13 (6) Rutgers: lost to Cincinnati, 30-11. This is what happens. Everybody finally begins to believe in a team, and they crash and burn on us. I still think they could beat West Virginia. But could now becomes the operative word, because White-Slaton could make a grown Oregeron cry.

Could bring a man-beast to tears.

14 (15) Louisville: def. South Florida, 31-8. Your chance is gone. Settle in around here. And like it.
15 (17) Oklahoma: def. Baylor, 36-10. And the Big XII continues to toil in mediocrity.
16 (18) Auburn: def. Alabama, 22-15. It's a rivalry game where the scores and the rankings mean nothing. So this means ... nothing.
17 (13) California: lost to Southern Cal, 23-9. Just ... just don't talk to me right now.
18 (21) Virginia Tech: def. Wake Forest, 27-6. Busting everyone's bubble. Beyond that, pointless.
19 (20) Boise State: def. Utah State, 49-10. And?
20 (14) Wake Forest: lost to Virginia Tech, 27-6. Just when we say, "Well, maybe that's the ACC team to beat," the Hokies come along and blast them.
21 (22) Clemson: IDLE. Get ready for your humiliation at the hands of the Gamecocks.
22 (23) Boston College: def. Maryland, 38-16. I give up.
23 (24) BYU: def. New Mexico, 42-17. They're going to Las Vegas, which is probably where most football players would choose to go anyway.
24 (25) Nebraska: IDLE. Which means they can't do anything too bad.
25 (NR) Arizona: def. Oregon, 37-10. They're not a great team. But they're a good team. And they deserve a bit of recognition.

DROPPED OFF: Maryland is in the ACC, so they could be back next week ...


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