Thursday, October 05, 2006

THE WORD -- Week 6

It's time for predictions -- now in the format of The Word. So prepare for some truthiness.

ARKANSAS AT NO. 3 AUBURN
The Hogs come into Auburn with the goal being to leave the field without begin dismembered. However, that doesn’t look likely. The Tigers win a pig-pickin’.

((FREE BARBEQUE FOR ALL))

Auburn 31, Arkansas 3

!UPSET ALERT! NO. 11 CLEMSON V. WAKE FOREST
There are those teams that just give other teams fits. That’s the case with Wake Forest and Clemson. The Tigers drop their first of the year to Wake, which is fighting for its first ranking since, since --

((MAN WALKED ON MOON))

Well, it’s been a long time.

Wake Forest 28, Clemson 27

PURDUE AT NO. 13 IOWA
Now, I know that some of the luster has fallen off Iowa in the eyes of the mainstream media with their loss to Ohio State. But don’t let those cut-and-run sportswriters make you believe that the Hawkeyes aren’t a good team.

((IF IOWA LOSES, THEN THE TERRORISTS WIN))

Freedom -- and the Iowa offense -- are on the march.

Iowa 35, Purdue 21

NO. 19 PENN STATE AT MINNESOTA
These are both teams that you have to think would like playing in the mud. But they’re playing in the dome that is Minnesota’s home.

((ASTROTURF = NO MUD))

That’s why this ends in the upset.

Minnesota 20, Penn State 16

NO. 8 WEST VIRGINIA AT MISSISSIPPI STATE
You really, really want to be able to say Mississippi State has some sort of a chance to win this game. But there aren’t many things that have worse odds than the Bulldogs pulling this one off.

((O.J. FINDING THE REAL KILLER?))

This is one of those where I’m not even sure there will be a spread at kickoff.

West Virginia 48, Mississippi State 14

STANFORD AT NO. 10 NOTRE DAME
Charlie Weis will ensure that one thing at Notre Dame is always large.

((THE COACH'S WAISTLINE))

And that’s the score. Stanford won’t be able to stop them, and they sure won’t be able to keep up.

Notre Dame 37, Stanford 0

BOWLING GREEN AT NO. 1 OHIO STATE
This is almost too easy.

((SORTA LIKE PREDICTING RON MORRIS' COLUMN))

Ohio State’s only tough decision will be whether they want Bowling Green to be able to leave the field with dignity.

Ohio State 56, Bowling Green 3

NO. 25 WASHINGTON AT NO. 6 SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
My newfound faith in Willingham’s Huskies runs into a tough test when they go head-to-head with the Trojans.

((DON'T GET COMFORTABLE))

Any other opponent, and I might believe. But I don’t think the kings of L.A. are ready to lose -- yet.

Southern California 31, Washington 7

NO. 5 LSU AT NO. 2 FLORIDA
This could either be a really good football game or one of those awful, nose-bloodying struggles that ends up with LSU’s only score being an intentional safety when Florida’s faced with a punt out of their own end zone.

((LIKE THE DEMS, LET OTHERS SCORE FOR YOU))

Or JaMarcus Russell could decide to play like we know he’s capable of. Like the week as a whole, a very unpredictable game.

Florida 24, LSU 20

NO. 9 TEXAS AT NO. 15 OKLAHOMA
The Longhorns finally got their first win against Oklahoma in a looong time last week. They’ll be trying to put up back-to-back wins v. the Sooners for what has to be the first time in Mack Brown’s tenure. This is the 101st meeting in the rivalry.

((ALMOST AS OLD AS JOEPA))

It’s also the latest Oklahoma win.

Oklahoma 17, Texas 14

MARYLAND AT NO. 16 GEORGIA TECH
The Friedgenrator’s team is looking pretty, pretty bad this year. Now they go up against Reggie Ball, Calvin Johnson and Chan Gailey. A rough season gets worse.

((SHELLS SHOCKED AND AWED))

Georgia Tech 36, Maryland 6

MICHIGAN STATE AT NO. 4 MICHIGAN
After losing to the Fighting Illini --

(("BETTER KNOW A MISFIT"))

-- Spartan Head Coach John Smith smacked himself. After seeing how badly the Wolverines beat Michigan State, he might have to just beat the crap out of himself.

Michigan 48, Michigan State 24

NO. 24 MISSOURI AT TEXAS TECH
I have to be honest. For some reason, I have trouble maintaining much interest in the Big 12.

((BRANDON:BIG XII::LANCE BASS:WOMEN))

But you have to have respect for what Missouri has done this year. They’ll beat Air Leach’s attack.

Missouri 31, Texas Tech 24

NO. 12 TENNESSEE AT NO. 17 GEORGIA
There is only one reason Georgia will lose this game.

((TENNESSEE IS NOT OLE MISS))

The Bulldogs have a good defense, but they have forgotten that you also have to play when the other team doesn’t have the ball. And, ideally, you score. No, Dawg fans, even the great JT3 can’t save you.

Tennessee 27, Georgia 7

NO. 14 OREGON AT NO. 21 CALIFORNIA
This is the battle to be the favored giant killer in the Pac-10. California will count on the offense that has revived itself since the debacle on Rocky Top. Oregon hopes to draw power from its uniforms.

((THE ONES WITH BLACK AND WHITE STRIPES))

The Bears take it.

California 24, Oregon 21

NO. 23 NEBRASKA AT IOWA STATE
Bill Callahan will not win a national championship at Nebraska -- at least not this year. But these radical offensive concepts of his --

((THE FORWARD PASS))

-- are the kinds of things needed to build a solid program. Winning the games you should is part of that.

Nebraska 27, Iowa State 14

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