BLAKEVELLE NEWSMELLEY TO PLAY SATURDAY
Confounded by the lack of a clear-cut starter at QB, South Carolina HBC Steve Spurrier announced today that the school's science professors are working on a genetic blend of the three choices, tentatively named Blakevelle Newsmelley.
"Well, we've been unable to get any of the quarterbacks to carry out the ballplays we need," Spurrier said. "So we're going to try something a little different, see if that works."
Spurrier had promised a new-look offense, even alluding to the possibility of a QB controversy.
But the idea of combining the experienced but inept Blake Mitchell with "the savior" Chris Smelley and the until-now underutilized Syvelle Newton is seen as something of a surprise.
Preparing for genetic experimentation.
Players have been unavailable for comment after Spurrier barred them from talking to the media.
"I have to do this. That's why I'm here," Spurrier said Tuesday at his weekly news conference. "I don't deserve it, either. Write about our defense."
(C&F NOTE: The last quote is actually real. That's how bad it's gotten. Not only does Spurrier acknowledge the existence of the defense, he wants the attention on them.)